Ten Things That Will Never Change

Dear Friends,

“If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.”
Romans 12:18 (NIV)

A few years ago we heard the following words of wisdom, “In any relationship there are ten things about the other person that will irritate you – and those things will never change.” Think about that. Whether you’re talking about your mate, a sibling, your child, a friend, or a business associate — given enough time — you will find there are ten things about that other person that irritate you, and no matter how much you try to make that person change, they can’t or won’t!

Now we aren’t talking about addictions or major character defects like dishonesty or abusiveness. Those require interventions and prayer. “Surely the arm of the Lord is not too short to save, nor his ear too dull to hear.” Isaiah 59:1 Rather, we are talking about those little quirks or habits that can really get under your skin. Bonnie likes to tease that I have at least two dozen of those immutable irritants … and the number keeps growing. Take, for instance, my use of puns. If she had her way, I be put in a punitentiary … see what I mean?

Since we all will have to deal with those “ten things”, the question becomes, “How can we prevent the ten things from damaging an otherwise wonderful relationship? A good starting point is found in Reinhold Niebur’s Serenity Prayer.

Accepting the things we cannot change begins with accepting the fact that they indeed cannot or will not change. Then, follow the wisdom found in Proverbs 21:9 (MSG), “Better to live alone in a tumbledown shack than share a mansion with a nagging spouse” (or sibling, or friend, … ). No one ever nagged — or ever loved — someone else to perfection.

Having the courage to change the things we can begins with changing the one thing we can control – our attitude.  Jesus commanded us, “Love each other.” He didn’t say, “Love each other except when …” In I Corinthians 13 we learn what loving each other involves, “Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.”

Having the wisdom to know the difference begins with prayer. “We continually ask God to fill you with the knowledge of his will through all the wisdom and understanding that the Spirit gives, so that you may live a life worthy of the Lord and please him in every way: bearing fruit in every good work, growing in the knowledge of God, being strengthened with all power according to his glorious might so that you may have great endurance and patience,” Colossians 1:9b-11 (NIV)

In the tapestry of a relationship, the ten things that will never change normally start out as minor threads, but can grow to dominate the pattern. Lean on the One who never changes to be a constant thread that keeps your relationship beautiful.

Verse for the week: Romans 15:7 “Accept one another, then, just as Christ accepted you, in order to bring praise to God.”

Blessings,
Your Friends in Christ