Sibling Rivalry

Dear Friends,
Jesus replied: “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’ This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself. Matthew 22:37-39

Love the Lord — Check!
Love your Neighbors — Check!
Love your brothers and sisters — Not mentioned!

Perhaps Jesus recognized that the family unit isn’t always the best breeding ground for love. Take his own family for instance. Both Matthew and Mark tell us Jesus had four brothers and at least two sisters. His half-brother James eventually became the leader of the Church in Jerusalem; James and half-brother Jude wrote epistles. But there are hints in Jesus teaching that there may have been tension on the home front.

There is the story of Jesus response when he was told his mother and brothers wished to speak with him: While Jesus was still talking to the crowd, his mother and brothers stood outside, wanting to speak to him. Someone told him, “Your mother and brothers are standing outside, wanting to speak to you.”

He replied to him, “Who is my mother, and who are my brothers?” Pointing to his disciples, he said, “Here are my mother and my brothers. For whoever does the will of my Father in heaven is my brother and sister and mother.” Matthew 12:46-50

When Jesus spoke of anger, he targeted anger between brothers and sisters: But I tell you that anyone who is angry with a brother or sister will be subject to judgment. Again, anyone who says to a brother or sister, ‘Raca (a term of distain or contempt),’ is answerable to the court. And anyone who says, ‘You fool!’ will be in danger of the fire of hell.” Matthew 5:22

The Old Testament is replete with stories about conflicts between siblings. Cain and Abel, Moses with his sister Miriam, Jacob and Esau, Joseph and his brothers, King David’s sons Amnon and Absalom, and Jehoram, who put his brothers to death … to name a few of the more extreme cases.

Today, sibling rivalry provides the plot line for many of our sitcoms and dramas. We laugh at sibling rivalry when we see it on the screen but are hurt and angered when it becomes part of our life.

I was the youngest of four children. Sibling rivalry didn’t reach biblical proportions, but that was because my parents went out of their way to make sure we didn’t murder each other. Being the youngest, I know I caused my older siblings a ton of grief. It’s a wonder we reached the ages we are with even a modicum of affection for each other.
The fact that today we would do almost anything for each other is astonishing.

So, what can be done to make sure sibling rivalry doesn’t become a corrosive influence in our lives? We can put love where it isn’t expected. The most quoted Scripture at weddings is 1st Corinthians 13. The same lessons it offers newlyweds are applicable to our relationships with others we love.

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. 1 Corinthians 4-7

If your siblings aren’t using the same “play book,” you may learn that the cost of loving is sometimes very high. In which case you may need to take Ephesians 4:31-32 to heart.

Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you. Ephesians 4:31-32

Blessings,
Your friends in Christ