We were sitting down to breakfast when Bonnie asked if I had put the milk in the refrigerator. When I told her that I would get it after we finished eating, she rolled her eyes in that “There you go again” manner. I gave her my “Uh-Oh! There I go again” look, but instead of getting upset, I exclaimed, “Good grief, Charlie Brown.”
Consider the blameless, observe the upright; a future awaits those who seek peace.
Psalm 37:37 (NIV)
People who study such things tell us, “How you say things can be as important—if not more important—than what you say.” When we want to seek peace, we choose our words carefully, then we modulate our voice to make sure the message is clear.
Gracious words are a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones.
Proverbs 16:24
Even when the right words are chosen, voice volume, intonation, and the way certain words or syllables are emphasized can change the way statements are interpreted. Even a compliment can be misinterpreted if the tone of voice suggests insincerity.
It is also important to be sensitive to comfort zones. Most of us have a comfort zone—a radius around us that we do not want people to intrude upon. The less comfortable we are with someone, the larger that radius. If, for example, a salesperson violates our comfort zone, we are less likely to respond positively to their sales pitch. The radius for a husband or wife can vary from almost zero to several yards, depending on how they are feeling at a particular moment
Our faces often reveal more than our words. Rolling or closing our eyes, scrunching our lips, or distorting our face may be habits we have developed over the years. Wearing sunglasses and a facemask may conceal some of these negative signals, but a better defense would be to take time to identify our idiosyncrasies and develop alternative actions. When I laughingly exclaimed, “Good grief Charlie Brown,” I avoided giving what might have been a more aggravating verbal or non-verbal response.
He asked them, “What are you discussing together as you walk along?” They stood still, their faces downcast. Luke 24:17
Body language can also say more than our words. In the above Scripture from Luke, the downcast faces of the two men Jesus met on the road to Emmaus made their sadness obvious. When we are slouched over, we may send a message that we are tired or bored. If our arms are crossed and our bodies are slightly turned, we may be seen as being resistant or closed-minded.
In contrast, when we stand tall, with eyes focused on the one we are speaking to, using neutral or positive gestures, we offer an open, appealing image. With children, kneeling to their level can make them less defensive.
Unfortunately, anger can short-circuit our ability to control our mouth and our movements. When our blood pressure starts to increase, it’s time to decrease our efforts to communicate.
My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, because human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires. James 1:19-20
Watching what we say and how we say it will help us become better communicators, not only as we seek peace in our families, but also as we seek to share the Word of God with others. A good place to start to speak Christianly is to turn to the finest of all forms of non-verbal communication—silent prayer.
When someone gives you a hard time, respond with the energies of prayer, for then you are working out of your true selves, your God-created selves. Matthew 5:44-47b (MSG)
Blessings,
Don & Bonnie Sennott
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